


Since You've Gone To Heaven...

by FiveAM



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 05:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18329456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiveAM/pseuds/FiveAM
Summary: Luna sings to Lincoln about the state of the family after his death.  Inspired by the Brandy Clark song of the same name.





	Since You've Gone To Heaven...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little fic I thought about while waiting for one of my classes to start. I've been scanning through the fandom (mostly on FF.net) and found that there are a lot of fics dealing with what would happen if Lincoln were to die. Seeing a severe lack of that type of fic on this website, I decided to throw my hat in the ring and make one. I was listening to Brandy Clark's "Since You've Gone To Heaven" and I thought that, with a little tweaking of the lyrics, they would fit perfectly for this type of story.
> 
> Fair warning, this is not an uplifting fic. It's intended to be sad.
> 
> Also, I highly recommend the song this fic is based on, especially if you like country ballads or just lyrics pertaining to how people handle someone's death.

Luna made her way to the top of the hill, a breeze growing slightly chillier as she made her way up. The weather today, cloudy and 56 degrees, was about as poetic as she could’ve expected given the setting and who she was visiting. She made it to the top to see the grave of the person she was looking for.

“Hey bro” she said to the spot where Lincoln was buried. “Sorry I couldn’t visit you for a few days. Life just gets in the way, y’know?”

Lincoln had been gone for four months now, and the passing wasn’t as peaceful as everyone would’ve hoped. The day still hangs in the family's’ memories. The day they saw what was happening to him. The day that Lincoln never came down for breakfast. 

What originally was thought of as just him being the family sleepyhead turned into one of panic as Lori, who needed Lincoln to be her caddie in her golf tournament, walked in to see Lincoln laying in bed next to a pool of vomit, unable to move his whole left side of his body. The family called the ambulance, and he was able to (at least, somewhat) recover, but a CT scan revealed a malignant brain tumor growing on his right side. It was too large for regular chemo to do anything, with the best option the doctor could give was a risky procedure that would either stem the growth or kill him on the table. Lynn and Rita opted for the surgery, seeing that they would rather give their son a chance at continuing to live than just let the tumor take him, something he agreed with. The doctor booked the surgery three days from then.

The sisters didn’t take this well. Some labored under the false hope that the surgery would work 100%, such as Lynn and the twins. Others, such as Lucy and Lisa, expected nothing but the worst, with Lisa researching the statistics of said procedure to find that there was only a 33% chance, at best, that Lincoln would pull through. Nothing could bring comfort to the four oldest sisters, though, whose rooms were locked for most of the day as they either prayed nonstop or sobbed at the idea that their brother, their only brother and emotional core of the whole family, would be gone soon. This wasn’t like Lucy or Lisa, who were emotionally panicking. To Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan, they were acting as if he was already dead and never got a chance to say goodbye, forever haunted by Lincoln’s final moments in the house being weak and sickly.

He had already met with his friends the day before, his parents informing Clyde's dads about the situation, as the day of the surgery was on a school day. Clyde was in Lisa’s camp of having no optimism, and took the time to tearfully thank Lincoln for being the best friend he could have possibly been given. Clyde cried, hard, and it was hard for anyone to watch. Clyde's dads also took the time to thank Lincoln for giving their son a true friend in him, shedding their own tears in the process. Rusty, Liam, and Zach were also there to say goodbye, though because they didn’t know Lincoln nearly as long as Clyde, their tears weren’t as forceful. 

Later that night, Lincoln had come to terms with the fact that the chances of him dying were greater than living. At first, he wanted to scream in emotional agony, the fear of dying, missing all of the wonderful things he would have experienced as he grew older: college, marriage, having his own family, becoming successful, traveling around, everything came at him as he broke down in the bed he was in, his pillow and part of his hair soaked from crying so much. Nothing was more painful than thinking about his own family, though, as he thought about all the wonderful memories he made with his sisters and what he would soon miss out on. Tea parties, trips to the mall, poetry, science, everything that made his family what it was and would be without him. He remembered how wonderful his own family was, his dad being the greatest source of relatability and inspiration to him, his mom being the one to turn to in times of need, Lori being the towering big sister who watched over him, Leni’s kind nature, Luna giving him the excitement and love he always wanted from one of his sisters, Luan always wanting to cheer him up when he was sad, Lynn wanting to involve him in everything, Lucy coming to him for advice, Lana bonding with him over different things, Lola being his student for reading and pageants, Lisa valuing anything he had to say, and Lily’s general love for him. They all made him who he was and he couldn’t have asked for a better family to be a part of. 

By morning, Lincoln had lost the will to cry, now fully accepting of the fact that his days were probably numbered. His family came to visit him before the surgery would commence. What should have been an optimistic time celebrating him getting better soon turned out to be an emotionally painful encounter as his family all but said their goodbyes. Everyone was now fully aware of how unsuccessful this procedure was, even if it gave him a better chance of living, and his acceptance of his own mortality by that point didn't make his family feel any better, with him living going from the hopeful outcome to being seen as a foolish proposition, and if he did, would be seen as one of the greatest miracles ever performed by God. Again, he had a 33% chance, but that number was way too low for anyone to be optimistic.

Each of his sisters got their time to say goodbye, all crying when they realized this may very well be the last time they ever saw their brother. Lori and Leni each gave him a huge hug and told him he was the single best brother they could have gotten, with Leni going so far as to give him a kiss on the lips out of the need for her to leave Lincoln with the memory of kissing a girl who always cared about him and always would. Girlfriends would come and go but family would always be there for him, even in death. This was repeated by Lola, who apologized for every bad thing she ever did to him and regretted ever seeing him as her butler. For everything he did for her, he wasn’t just her butler or even her prince. He was her king.

Lynn was the most painful for him, as Lincoln got to watch, in real time, a tough-girl fasade crumble into an insecure mess of a girl who couldn’t bear standing in the same room with someone she was slowly convincing herself was going to die. She first tried to feign indifference to the situation and give him encouragement about getting out of the hospital, saying he would be out of here in no time, but it eventually turned to her apologizing for always roughhousing with him before rushing out the door and down the halls, tears staining the floor as she rain. Rita eventually found her just outside the main entrance, but Lynn was so far gone into hysteria at this point that she let out a grief-stricken scream over the fact that her brother, and her favorite member of the family, was never going to come home with them again.

The rest of his sisters showered him with hugs, kisses, apologies, tears, and goodbyes before the doctors came to prepare him for surgery. His parents were allowed one last private meeting with him where they tearfully said goodbye to him, thanking him for being the best son and child they could have hoped to have. Neither parent had it in them to remain strong for him, and they shared an emotional hug with Lincoln, crying over any regrets they had about any time they were a bad parent to him. Lincoln, by now a mess of his own, had his parents (and, by extension, his sisters) promise him one thing and one thing only: please don’t fall apart over losing him, saying that, for as afraid as he was, he was still ready for whatever happens. An 11-year-old should never have to come to terms with something like that, yet Lincoln was now prepared for what comes next, once again showing how mature he was for his age. Lynn and Rita said goodbye as their doctors administered the anesthesia, his final memories being of his family showering him with love and telling him how much he meant to everyone.

The miracle everyone had hoped and prayed for didn't come. The surgery failed and Lincoln died. It took everything in everyone’s power to at least not completely lose it in the hospital, with the trip home being the quietest it had ever been. When everyone got home, they let go of any strength they had and went into a raging fit of crying, anguish, and despair that didn’t end until it came time for everyone to go to bed. Everyone was now reeling over the fact that their son/brother was gone forever, never coming back.

Luna made a habit to visit him at least weekly after he was buried. Some seldom visited him while others didn’t at all, too broken from his passing to visit his grave.

Today, Luna was wearing a pair of black flats, khaki pants, and a purple sweater. She felt, given the setting and who she was visiting, she should dress appropriately for such a thing. Plus, she was hesitant to return to her punk style full-time, the memories of sharing concerts with Lincoln, particularly his first, still strong in her mind.

“So...how’ve you been, dude?” She asked the tombstone.

“I hope you’ve been doing well, up there. Hopefully, the big man’s made paradise everything’s it’s been hyped about. At least, that’s what I feel you deserve.” Though the family didn’t invest that much time in religion before, Lincoln’s death drove them to hope that he made it to heaven, because everyone knew that's where he should go.

“I came to give you these. I hope you like them.” She planted some tulips on his grave, their colors reminding Luna of how colorful and happy his personality was a lot of times. When she was done, she picked up her acoustic guitar she brought with her. “I also wrote a song for you bro. It’s about what home’s been like.” She gave a sigh, remembering what that place was like for these past few months. It was so morphed from what it was, she hesitated to even call it home anymore. “I’ll be honest, dude. It’s been pretty bad since you’ve...well, y’know...You may already know what’s going on, but in case you don’t, you may not like it. It may be best that you’re gone, just so you don’t have to deal with what’s been going on there.”

She tuned her guitar and said to him “I hope you like it, anyway.”

She began playing a country ballad, very different from her usual taste of rock, but that sound was too energetic for the tone she felt right now. She took a breath and started playing.

“Since you’ve gone to heaven, I don’t like going home

The place has suffered greatly with a so much sadder tone

The parents always fighting, scaring all the kids

Making us fear that one day, they will end it with a split

Since you’ve gone to heaven, our whole world’s gone to hell”

The energy in the house was gone. No one had it in them to try to bring the level of chaos in the house back up to where it was before. Not only that, but they were also afraid that, without Lincoln being the voice of reason that always help to end their fights and antics, they would just end up destroying everything. The time since Lincoln’s death had the family ponder the role Lincoln had in everyone’s lives, and how important he was in things going right with the family. Even when they didn’t, he would try, something the girls were guilty of not always doing. It took him dying for them to realize how much of an impact he, himself, had on the entire family.

Rita had been an emotional wreck since Lincoln died. She constantly flipped between crying, screaming, yelling at either the kids or Lynn out of nowhere, but mainly Lynn, and begging him to get her pregnant with another child. The girls started to worry if this would drag Lynn down enough to either cave in to her demands or leave. Lynn had, at the very least, moved past the shock of losing a child to stay strong for his family. He needed to with so many daughters around. The sisters were more worried, though, about Rita, afraid she would need to take some time to “find herself,” causing her to leave the family and maybe separate from, or even divorce, Lynn.

“Clyde is out from time to time, but his crush for Lori’s gone

Says she just reminds him of the fun you two had from dusk to dawn

She screams out certain nights that she just wants you back

Leni joins in, knowing that their doing this is just a hopeless task

Since you’ve gone to heaven, our whole world’s gone to hell”

There was no way Clyde could hold onto his crush for Lori after Lincoln died. Not only would he be crushing on the sister of his dead best friend, but his crush reminded him too much of Lincoln, and all they did together. Lincoln accepted Clyde, flaws and all, as his best friend. He was unfazed about Clyde’s dads being gay, treating them normally. He also wasn’t overbearing in asking them for stuff like his sisters were. He was a joy for the McBrides to know, and they were in pain because of his passing.

Lori was hit hard by Lincoln’s loss. She had bonded with him greatly over the past year, and the pain of never being able to see him, help him, be with him was tearing her apart. She would have nightmares about seeing him, tears flowing down both of their faces, but Lincoln would vanish the moment she got close, never giving her the chance to hug him one last time. She would wake up crying his name. Leni would hear her and cry, too, her brother being the one who kept his patience with her the best out of all their siblings. Leni may share a room with Lori, but her bond with Lincoln that was built on such a strong foundation of love and patience that he was probably the most important sibling she had in her life. Oftentimes, the two would hold each other as they remembered all the great times they had with their brother. Lori would sometimes suffer insomnia over the nightmares, and had to be prescribed sleeping medication as a result.

She also rarely texted her friends or Bobby anymore, with both deciding to take a short break to allow her time to grieve. It was through Bobby that Ronnie Ann found out about Lincoln's passing. The most she knew before that was that Lincoln was in the hospital, but didn't have the time to visit, but also had complete confidence that he would recover, again due to being kept in the dark about Lincoln's actual condition. Needless to say, when she actually found out what happened, she was mentally kicking herself for thinking that Lincoln would recover. No one dared going near her for weeks, even to comfort her. The exception was her mom, who did all she could to help, mainly through holding Ronnie Ann as she cried. The distance between her and Lincoln and not seeing each other every day may have contributed to her working to move on better than others did, certainly Lincoln's family.

“And I hate you had to leave us, but glad you didn’t live to see this

Broken pieces of the family remains

I lost my love for Sam, the jokes have grown stale from Luan

I bet you’re rolling over in your grave”

Luna had made strides to move on from Lincoln’s death, but because of how close the two were, she still had a long way to go. Luna had broken up with Sam about three weeks after Lincoln’s death because of it. Luna just couldn’t bear trying to love someone when she just lost the one person she loved the most. To be fair to Sam, she took the break-up well, fully realizing that Luna was suffering a huge emotional battle at trying to come to terms with her little brother’s passing, something no one should ever have to go through at such a young age. This was something that Luna needed to handle alone. Having a girlfriend means nothing to someone who just lost a sibling, much less, the sibling that Luna was the closest to. Sam couldn’t match that, and Luna needed as much time as possible.

Luan was never that willing to crack jokes anymore. Her usual clothes were replaced with more typical teenage apparel. Her relationship with Benny was soured as a result. Benny wasn’t close to Lincoln at all, but he knew darn well that trying to console Luan about this wasn’t going to come close to working. Similar to what Bobby and Lori did, they continued dating but their relationship was put on hold until Luan could fully accept the loss. He even took Mr. Coconuts off her hands for a while, a reminder of all the times she tried to make Lincoln laugh with him. It was hard to find the funny side in life when you get dealt the tragedy of a lifetime, losing a sibling at such a young age, much less thinking about Lincoln, himself, dying at such a young age. 

“Since you’ve gone to heaven, Lynn has just shut down

The spark inside her died without her bro cheering his heart out

Lisa’s tried to fight it, but she has some things for sale

Said she felt she could bounce back from this, but it’s sure hard to tell

Since you’ve gone to heaven, our whole world’s gone to hell”

Lynn didn’t pick up any sort of equipment in the first two months since Lincoln died, but she started to remember what her parents told all of them, about how Lincoln wished for them to move on from his death, and so she picked up her baseball bat and started swinging, gaining the confidence to eventually return to the other sports she had given up. Unfortunately, things would never be the same for her. She wasn’t the athlete she once was, slower and more stiff, more prone to mistakes. She was still great, but it wasn’t what she used to be, and her status as MVP took several hits as a result. She didn’t miss them, though. She missed her brother, her biggest voice of encouragement. She always wanted Lincoln to come to her games because of the extra push she felt just from hearing him cheer her on. Her family was still there, sure, and it was at her games where they were actually able to forget about Lincoln’s death for a little bit to give Lynn their full support, but for her, nothing could ever change the fact that she would never hear her favorite fan scream for her to win ever again.

Lisa was probably the closest to coming to terms with Lincoln’s death, but it was really hard for everyone to actually believe that she had moved on. She put up some of her chemistry and biology equipment up for sale after he died. She claimed she was doing it to help the family with the expenses of holding traditional services for the dead, such as funeral expenses. That didn’t sit right with any of the girls, though, not because they thought it was a bad thing to do, but because they weren’t sure if that was actually the case. Eventually, they all (sans Lisa) came to the agreement that the reason she was getting rid of said equipment was, as they would later find out through snooping through Lisa’s journal entries, that Lisa had worked the three straight days Lincoln was in the hospital trying her hardest to create something that would decrease the size of the tumor. Lisa was no miracle worker, though, and by the time Lincoln was due for the surgery, she wasn’t even close to finding the cure. Everyone agreed that the equipment Lisa was selling was just a painful reminder of how she failed to save her brother, and she couldn’t stand living with such a reminder.

“And living in your absence, Lola all but gave up pageants

Locked herself up in her room, she lays all day

And Lucy never shows up, Lana gave all of her pets up

I bet you’re rolling over in your grave”

There may not have been a single person in the house who struggled more with Lincoln’s passing than Lola did. He may not have introduced her to pageants, but he stepped in when their parents couldn’t to make her a force to be reckoned with. It was because of Lincoln that Lola was always seen as the one to beat in each pageant. Now, she couldn’t even look at her own gowns without being reminded of all that Lincoln had done for her, and this went far beyond pageants. He coached her, yes, but he also helped her read, would cover for her when it wasn’t his fault, and would go out of his way, even sacrificing his own desires, to make sure she got what she wanted, such as getting a good picture in the yearbook for her at his expense of not being immortalized. Small, yes, but it demonstrated how far he was willing to go for her. He wasn’t just the best brother ever, he was the sibling she could trust to get something accomplished more than anyone else in the whole family. Now that he was gone, she lost the most reliable, trustworthy, and noble person she ever knew, and it wrecked her. Even after four months, she may have stopped crying, but she couldn’t stop forgetting.

Lucy was bad, too. Losing one of her two closest siblings put her on path to suffer from a greater sense of depression than she was used to as a goth. She wrote poetry still, but nothing could take her mind off of Lincoln, and his death led to nothing but poems about him. It was almost impressive just how much she could write about one person, though when you were close to someone, you would probably have a lot to say about them, too. The haunting part was when she would escape into the air ducts to softly cry every now and then, with her cries echoing throughout the vents and could be heard throughout the house, becoming one of the most haunting things she had ever done, whether done intentionally or not. She even lost her place as the scariest person in the family and she no longer had the effect of making people jump when she announced her presence. She was just...there now. 

Lana couldn’t bear keeping her pets around when she remembered all that Lincoln had done to help her with her animals, his efforts in helping to free the school frogs being the one that stood out above the rest. Whenever she thought of frogs, she thought of Lincoln’s efforts, not just freeing the frogs, but just the efforts he made, in general, in make her happy, her finding comfort in him when she was sad or scared. For now, she had to let her pets go so she could take the time to clear her head and try her hardest to move past his death. She let go of all her pets at the pond where she found all of them, with the hardest to give up being El Diablo, Izzy, and Hops. She wanted so bad to convince herself that they did nothing wrong, and she came so close to letting the three of them stay with her...but then she took one look at hops, and thought about Lincoln’s help in rescuing the frogs. She couldn’t take it, so she said a quick goodbye and ran, the tears flowing as she thought about giving up her best friend and Lincoln not being there to comfort her anymore. 

“Since you’ve gone to heaven, we struggled telling Lily

Who may very well forget your life since she's just a baby

I’m sorry that our promise could never be upheld

I just wish that we could talk to you, cause we could use your help

Since you’ve gone to heaven, our whole world’s gone to hell”

Lily had noticed Lincoln’s absence and cried because of it, but there was a painful reminder that the family came to realize: because she still had the brain of an infant, the toddler would never remember her brother when she was fully cognitive, self-aware, and able to remember things. Everyone now had a new grief to deal with in how to tell Lily that she had a brother who died before she turned two. The two were close, and everyone could guess that if she saw a picture of him when she was in, say, kindergarten or first grade, it’s possible she may remember his face, saying something along the lines of “He looks familiar.” The family was currently reeling over the death of their child/sibling, but how do you break such news to a kid who had her brother die before she could fully remember him?

The song was finished, and Luna had a few tears rolling down her cheeks, not full-on crying, but getting worked up enough to shed a couple tears. Every word was true, the family was in shambles, the promise they had made to Lincoln before he died just wasn’t going to happen for, at least, a while. They wanted him to come down from wherever he was, just giving a few words of encouragement to them so they could fully accept his passing and move on with their lives, helping them to return to their own selves. 

...But their old selves were tied to Lincoln when he was still with them. If Lola got back into pageants, how could she really have a fighting chance when her siblings either had other stuff going on or wouldn’t put the effort in the way he did? Who could Lana count on when she needed help with animals? Who would Luna help in making their concert experiences the best ever (the girls made it clear they didn’t want her coming to concerts with them ever again)? Who would Leni go to when she needed something of his frame to make new outfits? Who would take Lynn’s harsh demeanor in stride? Who would stop them fighting all the time?

Who would be like Lincoln? 

No one, because no one was like Lincoln.

Luna put her guitar away and stood up, taking another look at her brother’s grave. “I hoped you liked the song, bruh. I know it’s a bit of a downer, but home just isn’t the same without you.” She kissed her hand and laid it on the tombstone. “I miss you, dude. I hope you’re doing well now.” She bowed her head down as if to say a prayer.

Ready to leave, she said to him “I’ll see you next week, dude” and left, going back to the not so Loud anymore House.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think many writers understand the impact Lincoln's death would have on the family, and those who do never write a story where he does die. Lincoln is the emotional core and heart of the family, any dumb situation his sisters put him in be darned. Each sister holds the kid very dear to their hearts, some moreso than others. It's why I feel just having him die in a lot of revenge fics as punishment for what his family does to him is taking it too far. They won't get over it in a few days or weeks, they won't move on understanding how their actions now have consequences. To me, Lincoln's death would, quite frankly, break the family, and everyone would go through a myriad of emotions as they struggle to come to terms with the fact that he's gone. That doesn't deserve to be weaponized, if you ask me.
> 
> Also, some feedback on the style of this fic would be appreciated. Did I make the right call expanding on the lyrics of the song or should I have just let the song speak for itself? This was my first time writing a fic like this, but I though it turned out really well.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading.


End file.
